There Is No Life After You
by darkwolf76
Summary: What if Matthew didn't die on the day of George's birth but someone else did? A 3x09 AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! I'm darkwolf76 and I've been a long time reader of fanfics in the DA fandom but have never attempted to write one before, so I have to admit I am quite nervous. I am going to warn you a head of time that while this is an M/M story, it does not have a lot of fluff in it and is quite dark. The idea just popped into my a while ago and wouldn't go away until I attempted to write it in the form of a story. I have never seen this AU route explored in a fic on this site and wanted to try it out. I hope you find it interesting at least and please leave reviews! I welcome any constructive criticism or comments you might have, but please, again keep in mind that this is my first DA fanfic and go easy on me! Thanks! **

**Disclaimer: The characters, settings, and events of Downton Abbey belong to Julian Fellowes and ITV and not me. Otherwise a certain two characters wouldn't have died…**

'_Why does Mary always have to be so stubborn and why do I always give in to her?'_ Matthew thought frustratingly. The wind tousled his blond hair as he sped along the road in his AC, rushing from the train station to the Downton hospital where his wife and child were waiting for him. _**He**_ should have been there waiting _**for Mary**_ so he could be there to see the baby right after it had been born. He should have come home from Scotland when Mary came home._ 'Mary and I shouldn't have gone to Duneagle in the first place'._ Matthew shook his head as he mentally chided himself for not being more firm with her when she had insisted they accompany the family up to Duneagle for their summer holiday and later when she had insisted she travel back to Downton early alone. '_But why am I worrying?'_ He thought chuckling to himself, pulling up next to Downton village's hospital. His child, _**his and Mary's child**_**, **had likely been already delivered, safe and healthy. Knowing Mary, she was probably impatiently wondering why it was taking him so long join them. '_Because my Mary's a storm braver, if there ever was one. And Mother was with her. Everything is just fine'. _Mary possessed more strength than most people, even most of her own family, gave her credit for, and Matthew's mother, Isobel, was a skilled nurse. Between her and Dr. Clarkson, the birth surely had gone smoothly. Matthew, now firmly self-assured and filled with the excitement of meeting his child for the first time, leapt out of his car and raced into the hospital to be with his family.

He walked quickly down the passage way to find what room Mary and their baby had been placed in and was greeted by Isobel Crawley, a sullen and empty expression on her face.

"Mother! How are Mary and the baby? Everything is well?" he asked eagerly with grin, his excited eyes flitting around. His excitement ebbed considerably, however, when he registered his mother's weary expression and hesitant silence. At second glance he noticed Isobel, though she was trying display a calm façade for her son, had red, glassy eyes, swollen almost as if she had been crying. She also seemed to be trembling slightly. He frowned, dismayed. '_The only times I've ever seen Mother cry was when Father and her mother died. The only time she's ever lost her composure like this is when someone's…_' He stopped mid-thought, so horrified by the possibility that he couldn't even bare to think it.

"Mother, what happened? Where are Mary and the baby?" he asked, his voice rising in panic. He _**knew **_something had gone horribly wrong when his mother looked back at him with a terribly sad expression and a single tear slid down her cheek.

"Matthew, you have wonderful baby boy who is sleeping right the hall. I'll have him brought out here in a couple minutes. But I need you to-"

"Mother, what's wrong with Mary? What happened? I want you to take me to her now!"

"My dear boy," Isobel pursed her lips into a firm, tight line, "Maybe we should sit down for a minute to-"

"Mother, where is Mary? I need to see her now! MARY!" Matthew shouted frantically, pushing past his mother. He rushed down the hall to the entrance of a room from which he heard the wail of infant emanate. He froze where stood in the door way and his knuckles turned white as he gripped the door post for support. His heart seemed to stop for a minute time as time stood still; he then let out his own wail of heart wrenching despair to match that of infant's as the sight of a cold, pale, and lifeless Lady Mary Crawley laying on the hospital bed greeted his eyes.

**TBC**

**A/N: Please leave reviews and let me know if there is something you would like to see in this story! And to those who have already left reviews and have marked this story with alerts, sorry if you thought I posted new chapter. I just edited this one. I'll try to have a new chapter posted in a week. Thank for all the support!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, followed, or favorited this story! A special thanks to **_**Orangeshipper **_**and **_**Apollo888**_** for helping me get past a bad case of writer's block!****I'm sorry that it took so long to update. I've just been really busy with school! Don't let me hold you up anymore with talking. I hope you enjoy the second chapter of **_**There Is No Life After You**_**. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, settings, or events from Downton Abbey. It would be very different if I did…**

Matthew frantically staggered up to the bed where Mary lay and grabbed her shoulders. "Darling, you need to wake up now! I'm here! Everything is just fine! Mary, please, you need to wake now darling. MARY!" The corpse shook limply under Matthew's exertions. Dr. Clarkson rushed up to him and tried to pry him away from the body.

"Mr. Crawley, please, Lady Mary isn't going to wake. This commotion will only serve to upset the other patients—"

Matthew violently flung Clarkson's arm off and looked at him with a fierce light in his eye. "DON'T YOU DO DARE TELL ME MY WIFE WON'T WAKE UP! SHE WILL WAKE UP! SHE IS JUST-"

"MATTHEW!" Isobel snapped at her son as if she was rebuking a young school boy again.

"Mother, she can't be dead. Everything was just fine…" Matthew trailed off as the world began to spin around him. He pinched the bridge of his nose as his mother scurried over to ease him down into a chair next to the bed. Isobel carefully appraised her son; he seemed to fall into a catatonic state. His listless blue eyes stared blankly into space as he reached out to grip Mary's limp hand in his own.

"What happened?" he asked in a monotone voice.

Dr. Clarkson cautiously said "Lady Mary was having some trouble delivering the child. We were able to get the child out safely but it seems the stress on the muscles caused internal bleeding. I did all I could to stop it, Mr. Crawley, but in the end she lost too much blood. I'm very sorry Mr. Crawley. If there is anything-"

"Please, if I could few moments alone with Mary, I would appreciate that."

"Of course," Clarkson nodded at the grieving man as he and the nurse cleared the room. Isobel lingered, looking at her son helplessly.

"Do you want me to stay with you and the baby?" She asked. Matthew looked up at her with what seemed like an expression of confusion, followed by one realization and then one of anguish. Tears started to fall from his eyes as he turned his gaze to the bassinet next to the bed. He got up from the chair and walked over where his son lay. He gently reached down to take the infant into his arms before settling back down into his seat by Mary's bed.

"No thank you Mother. I would like to spend some time alone with just my family before anyone else finds out. Then I'll go tell the others. They'll all be waiting back at Downton for the news." He stated huskily, looking down at his boy.

Isobel blinked to keep a second torrent tears at bay and placed a hand on her son's shoulder. "Don't worry about telling the others. I will take care of that and keep them at bay for a while. You just spend time with your family, my dear boy." She blinked again, wiped her eyes, and with a determined and resolute look upon on her face, she walked out to do what would to be one of the most difficult tasks of her entire life.

Anna stood outside the door to the room, her red eyes glistening with tears of her own, anxiously wringing her hands as Isobel came out. "How is Mr. Crawley, mam? Is there absolutely anything I can do to help?"

Isobel looked at the distraught young woman before her with a sympathetic expression and reached out to touch her shoulder. "He is taking it as well as can be expected my dear. There is nothing to be done right now but to give him time with her and their child. Why don't you come with me back to Downton? I have to tell the rest family and the staff the news and I know could use some help with that. It has been a long and horrific day for the both of us and I know that you were very close to Lady Mary.

Anna looked down at the ground and nodded in assent. "She was a very kind mistress and was my friend too." She gave Isobel a shaky smile and they walked quietly down the hall way to go the car that would take them to Downton.

* * *

><p>Cora sat anxiously with Robert in drawing-room. "Why don't you think we've heard anything yet Robert? Surely by now… Something must have gone wrong! We would have heard from Isobel or Matthew or someone if everything had been alright! I can't handle loosing another daughter Robert! I wouldn't be able live through it again!" Cora started to descend into a fit of hysteria and hyperventilate as she imaged the worst possible outcome. Robert sat beside her on the sofa holding her hand and was just opening his mouth deliver reassurances to his wife when his mother beat him to it.<p>

"Everything will be just fine my dear," the dowager countess stated with more confidence then she felt, "You know as well as I that child births can take time and are not to be rushed. Also, Mary is at the hospital in the hands of Dr. Clarkson and Isobel. That woman can be annoying at times but I know she is competent and will not let her grandchild or its mother come to any harm. Everything will be alright."

Carson then came in, trying his best under the circumstances to keep his usual stoic composure, and announced "Mrs. Crawley, your lordship." He glanced nervously at Mrs. Crawley as he made his way silently out of the room.

Everyone shot up anxiously from their chairs as Isobel entered the room, a neutral expression on her face. All eyes settled on her as Robert asked "Isobel, why are you here? Is everything alright? Why didn't you just call?"

"Robert, I-" Isobel paused, "I did not feel like I could tell you all over the phone what I am about to tell you. I am so, so, very sorry, but…"

"What!?" Cora screeched "What happened to my baby and grandchild?"

Isobel looked over at the desperate woman with stricken eyes, "I am so, so, sorry. Your grandson is absolutely fine, but… Mary… we did everything we could… but something during birth… there was just so much blood…"

"YOU ARE NOT TELLING ME YOU AND CLARKSON LOST MY DAUGHTER!" Robert roared with a thunderous expression on his face. "I DID EVERYTHING THAT YOU AND THAT MAN INSISTED SHE WOULD NEED TO BE PERFECTLY—

He stopped abruptly as his wife fainted and he had to move quickly to prevent her body from hitting the floor. Edith stood on the other side of the room in a state of petrified shock. Even Violet was speechless with a look of surprised horror on her face. Only Tom was able to address Isobel calmly. "Is Lady Mary dead Isobel?" Isobel nodded her head silently. Robert had gathered up his unconscious wife in his arms and now sat down in the same state of shock that the rest of his family seemed to be in. "Is there anything I can do to help? Where is Matthew?" Tom asked his eyes filled with concern. He knew the pain of losing one's other half all too well.

"He's with Mary and their son right now Tom," Isobel said in a whispered tone as she approached the young man, "He wants to be alone them a while before the rest of the family comes. If you could help hold them off and calm them even a little…"

"Of course," Tom nodded at Isobel.

* * *

><p>Anna lingered in the hall way outside the drawing room waiting for Mr. Carson. She and Isobel had agreed that Isobel would go deliver the news to the family and she would tell Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes. Isobel had curtly asked Mr. Carson as soon as he had answered the door if he would just take her straight to where to family had gathered and leave them to have a private time. Anna would explain everything. Anna did her best to hide her grief and tears as the older man came out of the drawing-room staring worryingly at her.<p>

"Anna, what happened? Lady Mary and the baby are fine, aren't they?" Anna stared at him helplessly. Lady Mary was like a daughter to him and what she was about to say would surely crush him.

"It was a difficult birth Mr. Carson. Dr. Clarkson and Mrs. Crawley did what they could and they delivered Lady Mary's son safely. But she had a lot bleeding and it was just too much." Any composure and restraint Anna had shattered and she released a sob. Tears streamed down her face as she sniffed "I'm sorry Mr. Carson, Lady Mary died."

Carson stood shocked and horrified for a moment before he crossed the hall to put a hand on Anna's shoulder as tears filled his eyes. "Well, Anna, then we must go inform the rest of staff. Let us go." He bit his lip to keep his own composure together as he led Anna gently down to servant's hall where the rest of the servants were gathered together, waiting for news of the birth. The crying woman immediately went into her husband's arms and started to cry profusely on his shoulder. Mr. Bates wrapped his arms around his wife reflexively but looked up at Mr. Carson in confusion and concern, as the rest of servants did.

"I have been given some news on Lady Mary and her baby," Carson announced shakily, "Happily her and Mr. Crawley's son has been delivered safely, but due to some complications during birth, Lady Mary had passed away."

"Is there anything we can do Mr. Carson?" Alfred asked.

"Only carry on Alfred. Mrs. Hughes, if you would please get out the black armbands for the staff to wear, and everyone please be sensitive of the family, as they will be entering a period of mourning. That will be all." Carson ended. He then quickly walked away to his office and firmly shut the door.

Mr. Bates looked at Mrs. Hughes with a sad expression and asked "Mrs. Hughes, I was wondering if I might take Anna to you sitting room for a few minutes."

The housekeeper nodded and replied "Yes, of course, take her in there for some privacy and let her calm her tears a bit." She watched as Bates took his sobbing wife into the room and then studied the rest of the staff. Everyone stood quietly with somber expression on their faces. She gave a weary sigh and went to see how Mr. Carson was. "Mr. Carson," she gently called as she pushed open the door to his office, "how are you?" The butler ignored her greeting; he sat at his desk with his head his hands and wept. She walked over, shutting the door behind her, and brought her arms around him in a gentle hug. He finally looked up at her with shining, puffy eyes and said "I'm sorry Mrs. Hughes… It is unseemly for me to carry on like this and I should be directing…"

"Mr. Carson," the housekeeper firmly stated, "You have just lost a girl who could have very well been called your daughter. You are allowed to cry." With that he just nodded and then continued to cry as Mrs. Hughes hugged him. Even her own eyes began to sting with tears. Mrs. Hughes may never had the same fondness for Lady Mary as Mr. Carson had, but for the young woman to die and leave behind a young husband and babe not even two years after her younger sister had, it was truly and utterly devastating.

* * *

><p>Matthew sat holding his young infant son in one arm and reached out to stroke his dead wife's hair with the other. "He is beautiful my darling. He has my eyes just like you were hoping, but he has your hair. I think he will actually end up looking more like you, thank goodness." He gave a watery chuckle glancing at the little boy and set him on his mother's chest. "This is your mama, my dear little chap. Beautiful, isn't she? She is truly wonderful, little chap, even though she can't stay with us long." His lightly stoked the babe's head as he talked. "You might wonder someday why she couldn't stay with us, but I will tell you she loves you very much. She would have been wonderful mother, my boy, because she's a wonderful woman." He turned to look into Mary's glassy brown eyes and memories flashed through his mind. He remembered when those same brown orbs stared back at him with indignation and condescension at that dinner when she had essentially called him a sea monster, when they had stared at him with longing many times all throughout the war, and when they had stared at him with joy, adoration, and love as she walked down the aisle towards him on their wedding day. Now they were empty, lifeless. He slowly learned his face down next to Mary's and whispered on her cheek, "Even though you will be leaving us soon darling, I want you to know you will be my Mary always, and our son will know the true Mary, not Edith's version or anyone else's." He sat up and took his son, now sleeping, and placed him back in his bassinet. He stared at him for a long moment and looked back at his beautiful wife. He sat down next to her bedside again and took her hand his. "Do have any idea how happy you made me Mary? Without you how can I be happy?" He stared at her and waited in silence for a response that he knew would never come. He then leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her cold lips and whispered "I will always love you, my darling, and that love will continue to grow with every day that passes. I will love you until the last breath leaves my body."<p>

**TBC**

**AN: Please read and review! I welcome any thoughts or opinions you have. Let me know if there is anything you would like to see in this story in later chapters. **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hi everyone! Sorry it took so long to update. I appreciate everyone who took the time leave reviews, mark this story as a favorite or on their alerts, or even just to read this story. I thank you for the support and am very happy you have enjoyed it so far. I would like to address one of my reviewers in particular, and this person knows who they are. I understand your frustration as a reader at having to wait a while for an update to a story but you need to understand something. I am a student at a very good but hard university and have had several midterms and papers to deal with for the past month. On top of that, I recently received an injury that put me on crutches. All that has put under lot of stress and has not left time for much else. I am flattered that you love my story so much that you can't wait even a month for another chapter, but next time you leave a review, please use it as opportunity to give me feedback on my story and not as public chastisement. If you want to know when I'm updating, please just PM me. Now with that having been said, here is the next chapter of **_**Life After You**_**!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, settings, or events from Downton Abbey. If I did, the 2013 Christmas Special would have been a lot better…**

_"Darling, what do you think of the name George for the baby if its a boy?" Mary asked as she inspected her changing profile in the mirror and smoothed her dress over her baby bump. _

_Matthew rolled his eyes, but wore an expression of fond exasperation. "Mary, I thought we already talked about this. I don't want to name the baby after anyone. I don't want him or her to have anymore pre-determined labels or expectations put on them then there will already be."_

"_No, we talked about not naming the baby specifically after our parents or anyone in the family." _

"_But really darling, naming our son after the king? Don't you think that it defeats the purpose?"_

"_So you think George is bad name?"_

"_No, I-" Matthew stopped his argument of justification when he saw his wife's signature eye-brow raise grace her features. He knew her well enough to know arguing with her at that point would be utterly pointless. He pursed his lips and then looked back at his wife with a warm smile. "We have several months yet to decide. We don't even know if the baby will be a boy."_

"_I suppose your right, but I still like the name George for a boy." Mary stated, trying to maintain a look of stubborn indignation on her face as her husband wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and set his chin of her shoulder. _

"_We'll see darling," he chuckled, placing small kiss on her cheek before he stared into the mirror. The image within was one filled with hope for a bright future and a fulfillment of many yearning dreams of the past: a happy, glowing Mary, radiant with a growing belly containing their first child with Matthew blissfully hugging her and adoringly stroking her belly, the sign to come of devoted and loving father._

* * *

><p>Matthew stood in the nursery staring blankly down at the baby resting peacefully in his crib. <em>'How could such a wonderful dream go so horribly wrong?' <em>he thought numbly. He couldn't believe that this little person would never know his mother, that his arrival that should have brought so much joy, was so surrounded by such darkness and sadness. The abbey had been cast in a feeling of miserable gloom ever since the family had brought the baby home the day before. Cora, who had turned into a hysterical wreck after see her daughter's limp body, had manically insisted Mary come home as well, one last time, to be with the family before she was taken away to be prepared for the funeral. Her arose the first point of conflict.

* * *

><p><em>The family had arrived at the hospital after a couple hours of Isobel and Tom managing to hold them off. Matthew had wrapped his son in his arms and had backed into a corner of the room to give the rest of the family some room to see their daughter and sister for the last time. Robert walked in, an emotionless zombie, still seemingly in perpetual denial that he had indeed lost a second daughter to the ravages of childbirth. Edith crept in, her eyes glazed over, caught in what seemed like a dream like state of horror. Lastly came Cora, sobbing hysterically on the shoulder of <em>the Dowager Countess. _Matthew, even though still caught in a state of overwhelming grief himself, could not help but feeling amazement and a new found respect for the old matriarch at that moment. Unshed tears revealed the deep grief and pain within her, yet the old woman wore a determined expression as she hobbled in to see her favorite granddaughter, firmly holding the hand of the hysterical mother beside her. None of them seemed to notice Matthew or the baby as they went straight for Mary, laying limply in the bed. Cora threw herself across her eldest child as she continued to sob hysterically. Edith gently picked up one her sister's hands as a flow of silent tears began to slip down her cheeks. The dowager countess simply sat in the chair Matthew had previously occupied and began to stroke Mary's hair and Cora's back in a display of tenderness and affection that he had never seen her exhibit before. Robert just stood there at the foot of the bed in the same state of emotionless shock that he had fallen into back at the Abbey. Isobel and Tom both just lingered awkwardly in the door way, dawning looks of heartfelt sadness and concern but not wanting to interfere. _

_Matthew, who had initially calmed down from the first torrent of grief stricken tears, found his vision blurring again as the sight of his wife's devastated family reinforced the fact that Mary was really dead and it wasn't all just a bad dream. His little son sensed his father's sadness and the unsettling atmosphere around him and let out a wail of his own. Robert snapped out of his trance for the first time and actually noticed his son-in-law and grandchild in the corner of the room. He walked over to Matthew, placed an arm around his shoulders, and looked down at the little child. "So I have my first grandson, but yet another grandchild who will no know their mother." He stared into Matthew's eyes forlornly, "I am so sorry my good fellow. I am so sorry." Then he broke down into tears on Matthews shoulder. This overwhelmed Matthew more than he could handle. He tensed for a second before breaking away from Lord Granthem and abruptly walking out of the room, his wailing son still clutched tightly in his arms. Tom and his mother followed him as he walked out into the yard. "Matthew, please my dear boy, the baby shouldn't be out here. Let me take him to calm him down and you come inside to Mary." Isobel gingerly touched her son's arms to remove the screaming infant, but he immediately he pulled away. _

"_No, I will not have him taken from me mother. I will not-"_

_A gentle hand touched Matthew's shoulder and the young man turned to look into a pair of terribly sad yet calming and firm blue eyes. "It's okay, Matthew, I'll take your son and make sure he's taken care of. I won't allow anything to happen him. I'll protect him with my life." Tom reached out for the baby and Matthew simply handed him over. Tom just exuded this trust, this understanding of all the emotions he was going through, and seemed what to know just the right way to act and what to say. He nodded slowly and reassuringly at Matthew as he received his nephew into his arms and once more patted Matthew's shoulder firmly before heading back into the hospital. "Do you want to come in dear boy?" Isobel asked her son gently._

"_I think I'll just stand out here for a few moments mother, if that's alright."_

"_Of course its alright__ Matthew! Just call for me if you need me though, and I will be here in an instant."_

"_I know mother." And there Matthew stood, in solitude in the hospital yard, staring up at sky with silent tears running down his cheeks as he studied the heavens, seemingly looking for an answer from God as to why this horrible tragedy occurred, when he heard commotion form inside. _

"_We have to take our baby home Robert! She loves Downton! We all have to go home before they take my baby away." Cora frantically wailed to husband as she still clung to her daughter's frame. Robert seemed frozen in a state of surprised and shaken shock, before numbly nodding and turning his head to a shocked Clarkson, "Yes, we need to take Mary home with us right now. She can't be taken away yet, she needs to-"_

"_Lord Granthem, she will brought back to Downton for the viewing, but surely you must see that Lady Mary's body must be taken away for preservation. Otherwise-"_

"_SHE WILL BE COMING HOME WITH US FIRST! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? SHE NEEDS TO COME BACK TO DOWNTON BEFORE-"_

"_No Robert. Dr. Clarkson is right. Mary's body needs to be taken away to be –to be … preserved. Then she can be brought back. I will not have my wife's body rot though." Everyone in the room shifted their gaze from a red faced Robert to the pale specter of Matthew in the doorway. _

"_Matthew, you can see Cora is devastated, and she is right. Mary needs to brought home to the place she has loved all her life one last time before-"_

"_No Robert. My wife's body will not be tossed around like some plaything and be defiled just because you and Cora are being_ irrational_. She will be taken from the hospital to be embalmed and then will be brought to Downton for the viewing and not until then."_

"_HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE MY WIFE AND I OF TREATING OUR DUAGHTER LIKE A TOY? I AM HER FATHER AND WILL SAY-"_

"_AND I AM HER HUSBAND ROBERT! I WILL SAY WHAT WE DO WITH HER BODY, NOT YOU. SHE IS _MY WIFE_**, **__APART OF _MY _FAMILY STILL. NOT YOURS."_ _With that Matthew had stormed out of the room without another look at Robert or his dead wife. He didn't think he could handle it._

* * *

><p>Robert immediately had locked himself in his study because couldn't stand to be in the same room with Matthew since they had returned to the abbey. Cora had retired to bed, still hysterical about not being able to bring her baby home with her. The Dowager Countess had followed the sad specter of Edith into a different part of the house to grieve quietly with her last surviving grandchild.<p>

Matthew had floated into nursery with his son, mother, and bother-in-law. The tired infant had been laid to rest and his father had elected to keep silent vigil over him. Tom had taken custody of his own daughter from nanny and along with Isobel had left after Matthew yet again requested privacy for himself and his child. Matthew continued to stare at the sleeping child, lost in thought for what seemed like hours before he heard a tiny knock at the door and the figure of Tom reappeared. The man silently walked in holding his sleeping toddler and set her down in her own crib before walking over to stand beside his brother-in-law, gazing down at his small nephew.

Matthew lifted his listless blue gaze to Tom and asked "How did you find the strength to go on Tom, after Sybil died? I feel like I've lost everything, practically my whole world. I can't picture a life without Mary: not waking up next to her in the morning, not having her by my side as the future countess as I save the estate for our son, our son…never knowing his mother."

Tom returned Matthew's gaze with a look of true sympathy and understanding that only one who had been in the same dark place a year before could have. "That little girl over in the other crib was the only reason I had strength to go on, Matthew, Sybil's little girl, and her memory. I had to carry on for her. I was the only parent she had left and even thought she was an infant, I couldn't leave _our _little girl without her father as well as her mother. I am not saying you won't feel pain and won't miss Mary, but you will find strength to go on every time you look at your son, your and Mary's son. When you look at him, you can remember her, and there will be times that he is the only reason you can, but you will carry on."

Matthew turned his weary eyes back to his son. "George," he whispered shakily.

"What?"

"His name is going to George. Mary wanted that to be the name of the baby if it was a boy. I didn't want it then, but now… I do."

Tom put a firm hand on Matthews shoulder once more. "I'm sure Mary would be thrilled. It's a fine name for a fine boy."

A ghost of a smile passed over Matthew's lips, and for the first time since descending into this hellish nightmare, felt a little bit of hope. "Thank you Tom, for understanding and being here. Thank you," he murmured quietly. The brothers-in-law then stood side by side in the nursery, keeping silent watch over their sleeping children, their minds wandering to the pair of high minded Crawley sisters that they had faced together in love, and now in loss.

**TBC**

**AN: Please read and review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hi everyone! I'm back! I want to apologize for the several month long hiatus. School is truly beast and it took over my life! Luckily, summer is here and that means more chapters are too! Thank you to everyone who has taken an interest in this story and especially to those of you who left reviews! You guys are awesome! A special shout out to **_**Portuguese Writer**_** for her encouragement and help with ideas. Well then, enough of my babbling; here is the fourth chapter of **_**There is No Life after You**_**! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All settings, characters, and events of Downton Abbey belong to Julian Fellowes and ITV, not me. Some characters wouldn't have died if I did…**

"What do you mean you and my grandson are moving out!?" Robert exclaimed, his chest heaving as he faced his son-in-law in the small library of Downton.

"Robert, I said I'll stay until after George's christening, but then I have decided that we will go and live at Crawley house. It's difficult being around here after… I just believe it would be better that I did not stay here. I will come up to the house to continue estate work with you and Tom and for dinners. Anyway, I would feel much better knowing my mother is looking after George than some stranger." Matthew was trying his best not to lose his temper as he availed Robert of his plans to move him and his son out Downton. Interactions between Matthew and Robert had been tense since the incident with _the_ body the day before the funeral. Matthew just couldn't bring himself thinking of it as _her _body, _her_ funeral. Distancing himself from his wife's death and keeping busy was the only way he found he could cope.

Robert's face was turning red and his voice was starting to rise as he seethed "I can't fathom how you can even think about moving out not even a week after we buried her. You would take Mary's only child away from Cora, who is still so devastated she can't even pull herself out of bed, and me and the rest of her family. Also, Nanny West is perfectly qualified to look after the children. She is very experienced and would take the best care of George, probably even more so than your own mother."

"I am not dragging my son off to Timbuktu. We are simply moving back down the road to my former home. It is difficult for me to cope Robert, being in the same room that I shared with Mary for throughout our marriage, and I must move forward. There are matters about the estate that need to be dealt with. Tax collectors and creditors will not wait just because she died. And I'm sure that Nanny West is perfectly qualified to look after George, but I need to keep my son with me and I would feel better that if someone who I know and trust looked after him right now." Matthew tried to keep his tone even and face neutral but his shortened patience was wearing thin.

"Why are you even talking about your blasted plans for the estate right now? Good god man! Your wife just died! Are you truly that callous? We need to focus on grieving as a family right now, and you are insisting on taking her only son away from us! Are you so selfish that you cannot think of the others who have lost her too?" Robert shouted.

"He is _my son_ too Robert, and again, I am not taking him away. I will continue to bring him to Downton and you, Cora, Edith, and Violet will welcome at Crawley House anytime to see him, but-"

"I used to think of you as a son Matthew," Robert's voice was now dangerously quite. "And I used to think Tom so much beneath us. But he has proven to be a far better man than you. At least he mourned Sybil's death. You seem not to care anything of Mary's. You just want to carry on as nothing has happened and take away her son from all of us as well." His body now began to tremble along with his voice as it began again crescendo. "YOU WILL NOT BE TAKING THAT BOY FROM OUR HOUSE!"

Matthew had barely restrained his temper thus far and that barb snapped what little restraint he had. "DON'T YOU DARE ACUSSE ME OF FEELING NOTHING OVER MARY'S DEATH! ALSO, DO NOT PRESUME TO ME ORDER AROUND ANYMORE ON MATTERS PRETAINING TO MY FAMILY! I AM HIS FATHER, ROBERT, AND WILL DECIDE WHAT WE DO! YOU ARE RIGHT NOT TO THINK OF ME AS YOUR SON, BECAUSE I AM NOT!"

With that, Matthew stormed out of the small library, opening and then slamming the door with such force that the walls shook. In the great hall, he stalked up to a surprised Alfred who tentatively asked "Is- is there anything I can get you sir?" intimidated by the normally laid-back and genial man.

"Just my hat please. I'm going on a walk." Alfred immediately rushed to find his agitated employer's hat. As Matthew stood in the hall waiting with his hands shunted in his pockets, his mind wandered back in time. He saw the specters of his wife and his past self form in his mind's eye.

_ They slowly swayed in circles to the soft music emanating from the phonograph. He knew he shouldn't be dancing with her like this or holding her this closely, but he couldn't help it. He loved her, no matter how much he had tried to deny it and still tried to ignore it, he loved her. He loved her and always would, even if he was supposed to marry another woman tomorrow. He clung to her with the knowledge that this would be his last opportunity to be this close to her. "We were a show that flopped" she said. His heart thumped with pain when he heard that. Even at his outpouring of regret to her, ever the kind and gracious woman he knew her to be, she replied, "It wasn't anyone's fault. If it was anyone's, it was mine."_ _He knew it shouldn't have told her he still wanted to be with. He definitely knew that he shouldn't have kissed her, but he had to cling her, to show her that he did love her one last time before he lost her for good._

Matthew knew he would always live with the regret about what he had done to Lavinia's heart that day, but at least he had gotten to say his goodbye to Mary then. He hadn't done any such thing when it had really mattered, when she had died. If only he had been a better husband, been with her as she lay dying, he could have, but he didn't and he wasn't. How dare Robert accuse him of feeling nothing towards Mary's death? He felt more than he could process. He snatched his hat briskly from Alfred's offering hand when the young man reentered the room and shut his mind down as he headed out the door into the mockingly cheerful afternoon.

Anna meandered listlessly through the village, a basket full of flowers from old Mr. Mosley's garden swinging absently by her side. A little less than a week ago her mistress and dear friend had been laid to rest in the village cemetery beside her sister. Anna had tried to stay busy and remain useful as she could around the house. Lady Edith had been particularly grateful to have Anna's help in planning little George's christening coming up in about a week. Lady Granthem and Lady Mary would have usually seen to all the arrangements, but since Lady Mary's death, Lady Granthem had been near inconsolable and had only emerged from her bedchamber to attend her daughter's funeral, and even then, she had barely been able to stand upright, clinging to her husband the entire time. The Dowager had tried to assist Edith, but even she had been very much more withdrawn and tired as of late due to her grief. Edith, still somewhat shocked and disturbed by her remaining sister's death, had been overwhelmed, and when Anna had offered to help her arrange the event and run errands for her, she had eagerly accepted.

Anna had been to see Mr. Mosley to see about getting some samples of flowers they might use at the christening and she was on her way to show them to Lady Edith. She took her time in getting back, however, because she felt better away from the big house. When she was there, a great sadness just swallowed her up and stifled her. Lady Mary had been more than just the woman she dressed. She had been Anna's friend. She had pat Lady Mary's back as cried over Mr. Matthew, and Lady Mary offered her a listening ear and a comforting shoulder when she had gone through her string of tragedies with Mr. Bates. She had wiped Lady Mary's brow as she had labored to bring her child into the world, and had held her hand comfortingly as she had slowly died. Walking around Downton's halls and not hearing that prompt ringing of the bell calling her to tend to Lady Mary, not having any dresses to mend, having nowhere to go when the dressing gong sounded, all of that was just too sad for her. Also, she felt useless. Lady Mary had been her sole charge since her marriage to Mr. Matthew and another girl had been taken on to fill her former position of housemaid. What was she to do? She had to do something but she could do nothing and she just felt so powerless, so sad and powerless.

She was woken from her reverie as she spotted a man walking a little up ahead. His hands were tucked firmly in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched, his hat pulled firmly down over his face. He seemed to be wandering aimlessly with no purpose or destination in mind, much like Anna was. Anna approached the man and called out to him. "Hello Mr. Matthew. How are you?"

Her greeting was met by a pair of grief-filled blue eyes set in a weary and haggard face. "Oh, good afternoon Anna. I'm fine, thank you." He paused a moment as he glanced over her person and spotted the basket of flowers clutched in her hand. "I haven't thanked you for helping plan George's christening. I know I should have stepped up to help Lady Edith but I didn't. I've heard you have been very helpful to her when I haven't been useful at all. Thank you for that"

"It's the least I could do sir. I know Lady Mary would have wanted Master George to have a good christening and Lady Edith was overwhelmed. I just want to help in any way I can." Anna tried her best to give Mr. Matthew a genuine smile, though she hadn't really felt any kind of happiness lately.

Matthew returned her smile with a ghost of his own and stated "Well thank you for that Anna. Thank you for helping and for all you ever did for Mary. I know she truly relied on you and considered you a real friend." He paused again and his smile slid off his face. His eyes filled with a haunted look of grief and his mouth opened and shut several times before more words came out. "Did-did Mary… did she realize what was going to happen in the end, Anna? Was she in pain? Did she say anything? I know it is rather ghastly to ask you this, but I need to know what happened in the end. I know this is rather hard for you but, please. I have to know."

Anna looked back at Matthew, pursing her lips and blinking back oncoming tears as the memories came back to her. She nodded over to the little park in the middle of the village and Matthew silently followed her over. She took a seat on a bench and he stood in front of her waiting.

"Well…

**TBC**

**AN: I know, I'm cruel! I promise you though that you will not have to wait months for another update. Please read and review! I love hearing what you liked and what you didn't and even about things you may want to see! See you soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hello my lovelies! I'm back from the dead after almost four long months of silence! I am so sorry for the long hiatus, but alas, this horrible thing called life got in the way. Between its manifestions called school, work, and surgery, it managed to keep me away from my story until now. Thank you to all you wonderful people who read, favorited, followed, or reviewed my story in my absence. Your support means the world to me. Here is another chapter to award your long wait. Sorry that it's short and if it has errors. I really should start looking for a beta. I will edit when I can. I wanted to get it out as quick as possible for you all. Enjoy the next chapter of **_**There is No Life After You!**_

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><p><em>Anna looked at Lady Mary with concern in her eyes as the young woman let out yet another strained moan. She squeezed Anna's hand in a bone crushing grip and looked up at her with despairing, tired eyes. <em>

_''I don't think I can do this anymore, Anna,' she panted._

_Anna's lips parted to give her lady a weak reassurance when Mrs. Crawley's overly bright voice piped up instead. "You're doing fine Mary dear. The baby's just taking their time. Matthew was stubborn at birth too."_

_At the mention of her husband's name, Lady Mary's eyes lit up with a new energy and she asked in a classically Lady Mary annoyed tone, "Where is Matthew? I have been laboring to bring his child into the world for hours now and he's not here. What could be taking him so long?"_

_'I sent word as soon as I knew the baby was coming my dear. I know Matthew will be doing everything in his power to get here as soon he can. Scotland is quite far away. He'll be here soon dear and the baby too. Don't worry.' Mrs. Crawley gripped her daughter-in-law's hand in a comforting squeeze before Lady Mary returned it ten fold as another painful contraction racked her body. Anna studied Isobel Crawley's face carefully during the next course of labor pains, as she could not bare to see her friend and mistress's cringing face again. The slight grimace and look of distress that flashed across the stout woman's face before she managed to compose it into a look of comfort and encouragement concerned her. Was something wrong with Lady Mary or the baby?_

_The next hour came and went and no baby or Mr. Matthew appeared. Only increasing amounts of blood, pain for Lady Mary, and concern for those who watched. "I WANT THIS BLOODY BABY OUT OF ME NOW!" she screamed with new onslaught painful birthing pains. Anna shuddered as Lady Mary locked her hand in death grip that was sure to brake it. stood on the other side of the room with a bloodied and sweaty Dr. Clarkson quitely conversing after the doctor's most recent examination of the distressed, birthing mother."WHAT ARE YOU GABBING ABOUT OVER THERE WHEN I'M TRYING TO GIVE BIRTH TO THOS DAMN BABY?!" the mother in question hollered._

_Dr. Clarkson looked hesitantly at Mrs. Crawley before approaching Lady Mary carefully as if she were a wounded animal."My Lady, your baby appears to be stuck in the birth canal, causing some tearing and bleeding. I don't mean to alarm you, but I think it necessary to... intervene to try to help the baby. It may be painful and uncomfortable but I think-"_

_"Dr. Clarkson, I may be goving birth but I am not an idiot or a child. Tell me what is going on." Lady Mary snapped in an irritated,tired tone. She fixed the doctor with an indignant and expectant look that only she would be able to muster in the throes of a painful and bloody birth and the the good doctor seemed to shrink an inch under her steely gaze. _

_"The babe is taking too long to come out, my lady, and you are loosing too much blood. I can give you a sleeping drug and try to surgically remove the baby or I can stop the birth to contain the bleeding and then remove the fetus. I could save the baby with surgery, I believe, but you would be put at risk. Stopping birth would assure your well being, but would lead to a loss of the child."_

_Anna froze along with Mrs. Crawley in shock that Dr. Clarkson would be so open with a woman in such distress. Lady Mary however, seemed eerily calm as she digested the information and considered her options between labor pains. "What kind of great risk would I be facing with the surgery?" she inquired in hoarse but steady voice. _

_"You've lost so much blood, that if I put you under, my lady, you may never wake up."_

_Everyone in the room froze as their eyes watched Lady Mary's face. Fear crossed over crossed her features before a steely determination set in. "Put me under then Clarkson. I will not let my baby die if it has a chance to live."_

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><p>Poor Anna could no longer continue with her tragic tale because her listener had turned on his heel and stalked away. Matthew's chest heaved in angry breaths of rage and his hands balled into fists at his side as his his feet pounded the ground in quick and determined steps. His blue eyes burned with a wrathful fire and shimmered with angry tears. '<em>I trusted my mother with Mary's and the baby's health. I trusted her to make the descisons necessary to keep my wife alive. I was wrong. She let my wife die.'<em>

These thoughts loudly echoed in Matthew's head as he stalked furiously in the direction of Crawley House.

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><p><strong>AN: Please leave reviews and let me know your thoughts. I love hearing from you! <strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: So I'm back from the dead! I'm really sorry that I've left this story dormant for the last few months. A lot has been going on in my life and in between work, school, and other obligations I haven't found a lot of time for writing. I also am very sad to say that I have become very disheartened when it comes to Downton Abbey. Season 5 has been a bit of a letdown with me, especially with Mary's character. I used to love her character and storylines. I thought hers and Sybil's were the best on the show. Now that Sybil has been dead for two seasons and Mary's character and story line have gone down the drain, it's been really hard for me to get back in the spirit to write this. I re-watched some of my favorite M/M episodes though and was cheered up. Also, all of you guys deserve another chapter, so I managed to whip another one up. It's my longest one yet too! Thank you so much to everyone who has continued to read my story and stuck with me despite my long absence. Your support means so much to me! I do apologize for any errors or inaccuracies in advance. I promise to edit it more thoroughly later. For now, enjoy this next chapter! You guys rock!**

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><p>Isobel sat at her writing desk, busying herself with composing responses to notes that various distant relatives and friends from Manchester had sent to Matthew to express their condolences over his wife's death. Her poor boy had enough to deal with right now. He shouldn't have to deal with such a trivial curtesy that yet again reminded him that Mary was no longer here. Isobel would do anything she could to lessen the burden on her only child, even if but a little. Doing this small task also helped her lighten her burden of guilt. It kept her busy. She didn't have to think of the horrid events of that day, the poor judgments she had made that had, in way she felt, lead to her daughter-in-law's death.<p>

As her pen scrawled out yet another generic thank you to some other relative whose name she could barely recall, her thoughts began to wander back to the events the day of her grandson's birth in spite of herself. The screaming, the moaning, the tears, the cries for Matthew all danced in her head. The blood was the worst though. Isobel was an excellent nurse. She prided herself on that fact. That meant she did not get squeamish about such things. But it had been Mary, her boy's wife. There had been a lot of blood, too much blood, and more blood just came. Nothing she or Clarkson had tried to do had stopped the flow. Isobel woke up from nightmares every night where that red blood haunted her.

She was broken from her trance by a loud banging on the front door and angry shouting. She heard Mosely's frantic footsteps as he ran to answer it. Mosely opened the door to greet the angry visitor, only to be roughly pushed aside. An angry and disheveled Matthew stormed past him and into his mother's sitting room. Isobel had never seen Matthew look so furious in his whole life, not when he had thrown the occasion tantrum as a child, not when he wrestled with Sir Richard for the sake of Mary's honor, not even when he had fought with Robert over Mary's burial. His blue eyes burned with a dangerous fire. His normally neatly combed blond hair resembled a rat's nest on his head. His tie hung askew on his neck and his suit was covered in fine layer of dust. He panted harshly and shook with anger. His jaw was clenched and he was grinding his teeth. He was also staring directly at her.

"WHY?" He shouted, "WHY DID YOU LET HER DIE!? I TRUSTED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE WITH HER WELL BEING! YOU KNEW BETTER THAN ANYONE HOW MUCH I LOVED HER! WHY DID YOU LET HER DIE?"

Isobel would admit that she had suspected Matthew might blame her and be angry at her at some point during the grieving process, but she had not expected this level of rage from him. She really didn't know what say to her son. She just stared at him wide eyed with her mouth slightly open. She did feel guilty and that he was at least somewhat right anyway. What answer could she possibly give him though? No reason that she had pondered in the long nights since Mary's death would satisfy her boy. She finally just looked at him with slightly teary eyes and shook her head. "I didn't mean for her to die my dear boy. No one meant for her to die. Sometimes horrible senseless tragedies just happen."

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! WHY DID YOU LET HER HAVE THE SURGERY!? WHY DID YOU LET CLARKSON DO THAT IF YOU KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO DIE!?" Matthew's whole body shook in rage as a torrent of tears ran down his cheeks. He took a deep breath and shook his head. He yanked a chair from the wall and slammed it down in front of his mother's. He plunked down into and with a grim expression and now much quieter tone said "Tell me what happened."

Isobel looked at her son sadly, tears now running down her face as well as the memories of the horrid day came rushing back to her and her guilt consumed her. "My dear boy, I don't know how much good it would do for you to hear of such things right now."

Matthew looked at his mother, now more desperate than angry and begged "I need to know the full story mother. Anna told me part of it but I need to know the rest. I need to know why you did it! I need to you tell me why you let Mary have that surgery!"

Looking at her wretched son, Isobel knew she couldn't deny what he asked. She squeezed eyes shut, took a deep breath, and prayed that God would forgive her for inflicting so much pain on her dear boy. She then began her side of the tale…

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><p><em>So many hours had passed and so much blood had come but no baby. It was living nightmare for Isobel. She had been present at the birth of many a child in her long career as a nurse, ones far worse than this one even, but she had never seen a birth go so badly for someone so close to her personally. Though she had kept a brave and reassuring face on for her son's wife, the more time that had passed and more blood that had come, the more nervous she had felt. Her boy had trusted her to make sure his wife and baby came through this ordeal safely. If she couldn't do it, she would never be able to live with herself. She had cringed in pain slightly every time her daughter-in-law had screamed out in agony. She had pulled Dr. Clarkson aside to discuss options.<em>

"_You know this isn't normal Dr. Clarkson. Given the frequency and intensity of the contractions, she should have given birth by now. She's taking too long and loosing too much blood. We need to do something."_

"_Well Mrs. Crawley, I could always try reaching up into the birth canal to try to pull the baby out, although it would be incredibly painful for Lady Mary and I'm afraid she'd tear something and loose more blood. Her body can only take so much stress."_

"_Yes, but Dr. Clarkson, if she continues on the same way, she and the baby will end up dying anyway. You have already tried pushing on her stomach externally to turn the baby, so if you don't want to do that, what else can you do!?"_

"_I could sedate her and to a cesarean section."_

"_But she's already lost so much blood. Surely the sedation-"_

_"WHAT ARE YOU GABBING ABOUT OVER THERE WHEN I'M TRYING TO GIVE BIRTH TO THIS DAMN BABY?!" Mary angrily screeched from the birthing bed._

_Dr. Clarkson looked hesitantly at Isobel, who shook her head slightly, but he ignored her and went over to Mary. "My Lady, your baby appears to be stuck in the birth canal, causing some tearing and bleeding. I don't mean to alarm you, but I think it necessary to... intervene to try to help the baby. It may be painful and uncomfortable but I think-"_

_"Dr. Clarkson, I may be giving birth but I am not an idiot or a child. Tell me what is going on." Mary snapped at the Doctor. She fixed one her infamous glares on the doctor. Isobel knew if she did not quickly intervene, the doctor capitulate to the distressed mother and reveal everything they had just been discussing. She stepped forward and opened her mouth but Dr. Clarkson beat her to it._

_"The babe is taking too long to come out, my lady, and you are losing too much blood. I can give you a sleeping drug and try to surgically remove the baby or I can stop the birth to contain the bleeding and then remove the fetus. I could save the baby with surgery, I believe, but you would be put at risk. Stopping birth would assure your wellbeing, but would lead to a loss of the child."_

_Isobel froze in horror. Clarkson had to be mad to be so open with a woman in such distress! Mary however, seemed anything but distressed as she contemplated the information just given to her. "What kind of great risk would I be facing with the surgery?" she inquired in hoarse but steady voice._

_"You've lost so much blood, that if I put you under, my lady, you may never wake up."_

_Isobel tensed in horrified anticipation as she looked to see Mary's reaction. Fear crossed over her features before a steely determination set in. "Put me under then Clarkson. I will not let my baby die if it has a chance to live." _

_That was too much for Isobel. She would not stand back and let Mary die. The woman was not in her right mind right now. She had to intervene. "Absolutely not! We cannot take kind of risk with your life Mary. You have lost far too much blood. It's too unsafe for you. Clarkson is not telling you all of the options. We can just try to reach into the birth canal and reposition the baby while you stay awake. Don't you agree Dr. Clarkson?" Isobel fixed Dr. Clarkson with the most withering, demanding glare she could muster. The doctor seemed to shrink under the scrutiny of two such strong willed women._

_Mary turned her steely gaze to Isobel and reached out to grip her hand firmly. "So Clarkson was lying when he said my child would most likely die if we didn't do the surgery? This is my child, Isobel! Mine and Matthew's child! Your grandchild! I will NOT be lied to or fooled with when it comes to this child. If it comes down between my life and theirs, I would be a worthless human being if I chose myself."_

"_But Mary, your chances of survival with the surgery are not high!" Isobel implored, "I know you love your child. I do as well. But think of what it would do to Matthew if you died. Think of your poor parents! Your mother would not be able to function is she lost a second daughter so soon. Also, there is no guarantee that the baby would survive the procedure either. It would destroy Matthew if he lost both you and the child on the operating table. I know I sound like an absolute monster for saying this, but it would be better if we take our chances not doing the surgery and guaranteed you survived. You and Matthew would get through your loss together and there would be other children! I know it sounds selfish now Mary, but your family and your husband need you! Don't take that risk for Matthew's sake if for nothing else." She gripped her daughter-in-law's hands tightly. She stared directly into the young woman's dark eyes and tried to drill sense into her through their shared gaze._

_Mary's fierce glare grew angry and shined with tears. "Matthew and I would get through the loss together!? If I consciously made the decision to let my child die to save myself, Isobel, I would never get through it! How could I even look Matthew in eyes after that and tell him I let our child die!? If I did what you're suggesting, I would not be worthy of life. I would maybe live physically but I would die on the inside. If I don't at least try to give my baby its best chance to live, my soul will die anyway. A mother is supposed to make these kinds of sacrifices for their child. Wouldn't you give up your life in an instant to save Matthew's Isobel? Would you be able to live with yourself if Matthew died and you knew he might have lived if you sacrificed yourself!? If I don't do this and my baby dies, I am dead."_

_Isobel could not answer the young woman. She just limply grasped her hand and stared at her in shock. Oh, she knew her answers to Mary's questions. She would give her life to save her dear boy's in an instant, and no, she would not be able to live with the guilt if she didn't. Suddenly she understood why Mary wanted to do this, and despite her promises to her boy to keep his wife safe, the mother in her could not bring herself to stand in the way of another mother trying to save her child's life. She took a deep breath, prayed that God would help her bring both mother and child through safely, and nodded._

"_Very well my girl. I will be by your side the whole time and will do everything in my power to help bring you and the baby thought his ordeal safely." She smiled wanly at Mary and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. She turned towards Dr. Clarkson and said "Well Doctor, you heard the mother. Prepare for surgery so we can save the baby." She glanced at Anna, Mary's maid and friend, who stood wearing a look of horror in the corner and stated, "Things will get quite intense in here Anna. You may want to step outside the room and wait to be called in after we are finished." Anna looked at her mistress desperately. Mary gave her friend a small smile before she cringed in pain as another labor pain wracked her body. Anna went over to Mary, bent down and gave her a gentle half hug. _

"_Be safe and good luck my lady. I will be waiting right outside to come in and help with you and the baby as soon as it's all done."_

"_Thank you Anna. I hope to see you soon too, but just in case… Thank you for being such a good lady's maid and friend to me through all these years. I wouldn't have made it without you." She then relinquished Anna from their half embrace and nodded for her to go. Anna began to walk out before looking back one more time with tears in her eyes. _

_Dr. Clarkson had called the hospital nurses and issued a series of instructions for them to prepare for the surgery. They brought in clean linens, dressings, clean surgical instruments, and boiled water. Dr. Clarkson washed his hands and rolled up his shirt sleeves, turning to Isobel as he donned his surgery attire. "I'm not even going to ask you to leave Mrs. Crawley. I would ask that you don __a coat and mask but you can stay and help since you do have nursing experience."_

_Isobel looked at Clarkson with the same brand of steely determination that Mary had earlier. She gripped Mary's hand firmly and squeezed it. "Even if I didn't Dr. Clarkson, I would not be leaving my daughter-in-law's side. I am going to stay right here until this whole business is done." She looked down at Mary and gave her a brave smile. "Now my dear, let me help prep you for surgery." They wheeled a tabled into the room and relocated Mary to it. They cleaned her body and dressed her in clean garments. The whole time Isobel stood by Mary's side and held her hand. A nurse bustled into the room and handed a vile of medicine to Dr. Clarkson. He took it and gave it a swish for good measure then turned towards his patient and her mother-in-law. "I have the medicine that will sedate you Lady Mary. It will put you into a deep sleep so you won't be able to feel a thing."_

_Mary looked at the doctor seriously and then her gaze traveled around the room. She glanced out the window at the golden sunlight and the green leaves of the trees, knowing that it would possibly be the last glimpse of the outdoors she would ever see. Finally her dark eyes met Isobel's brown. She smiled bravely and swallowed back her nerves. "Well, I guess this it until the baby arrives. Next time I see you, Isobel, we will both be mothers." She let out a strangled, weak chuckle._

_Isobel looked solemnly into the young woman's eyes and squeezed her hand firmly. "You already are a mother my dear, and you always will be, however this turns out. You are so brave. Matthew, your parents, they would all be so proud of you. I am too." She then brightened up a little and returned Mary's brave smile with her own. "Anyway, everything will be alright my dear, I will see to it. You will be awake and holding your baby in no time. I was talking silly earlier, with silly statistics and all. You have always beaten the odds and you will this time. As Matthew has always said, you are quite the storm braver."_

_Mary smiled weakly, but at the mention of her husband and parents it dissolved into a frown. A brief instance of fear flashed across her face but then strong determination set in again. "Isobel, I do realize that by doing this I may very likely die. In the event that I do, please look after everyone: my parents, the baby, but especially Matthew. He will need you more than ever if I don't make it. Tell Mama and Papa that I love them dearly and that I could have never asked for better parents. Tell Edith that despite it all, I did love her, and I am glad that she is my sister. Tell Matthew… tell Matthew that I love more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Tell him that he changed me, made the person I wanted to be verses the person I thought I had to be, and that he gave me a life happier than I could have ever dreamed. I don't want him to be sad if I'm not here. Tell him I won't allow it. I am grateful and happy for every moment we have had together and hope for many more, but if not, tell him to be happy and love our child and to find love again if he can. I don't want him to waste his life away alone if I can't be there to share it with him. Tell him I have simply gone to stay with Sybil and that I will be fine. We will see each other again. Just like old poor Travis always says in church, death isn't the end. I will be watching him and I will be mad if he mopes over me. And tell him Isobel, if he feels guilty himself or blames anyone else, that this was my decision alone to save my baby, and I do not regret. I will never regret it." _

_Tears blurred Isobel's vision but she nodded. "I will dear girl. I will." Dr. Clarkson offered Mary the sleeping medicine and she took it. A small smile graced her lips as sleep peacefully overtook her and her eyes fluttered shut. Isobel held her hand the entire time. _

_He rubbed his hands together and picked up the scalpel and looked at the two nurses in the room and Isobel. "Well, let's get to this, shall we? Time is of the essence if we wish to save mother and child."_

_Isobel couldn't clearly recall much of anything after that. She tried to focus on Mary's calm, serene, slightly smiling face as the surgery dragged on. All she could clearly recall is there was blood, a lot of blood. She remembers Dr. Clarkson pulling the baby from the womb, handing it to a nurse to clean and to hand to Anna. She remembers him frantically asking for her assistance on bearing down weight as he tried to cauterize a vein and use stitches to stop the blood flow. She remembers him frantically ordering the nurses about after he discovered Mary wasn't breathing. She remembes pushing on Mary's stomach, breathing into her mouth, anything she could think of to bring the young woman to life again. She remembers staring at the woman's serene and pale face as Dr. Clarkson official declared her dead and she heard the echoing cries of a baby down the hall._

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><p>Both mother and son were in tears and sobbing by then end of Isobel's horrific tale. Matthew stood up and pulled his mother up as well so he could engulf into a tight embrace. They said nothing and just hugged each other as they cried tears over their grief and guilt regarding Mary's death. After what seemed like hours, Matthew wiped his teary eyes and pulled back to look his mother in the face.<p>

"Thank you for telling me mother, and thank you for trying to save at least. Mary always was stubborn and would never listen." He gave a small teary and hoarse chuckle. "She's probably furious at us for crying now!" he joked lamely.

Isobel gave her son a morose smile in return. It dawned on her that this was the first instance since his wife's death that Matthew had even attempted to lift his own spirits or be happy. She sniffled a bit and dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief she kept on her person. She reached up and rubbed her son's wet cheek and said, "You are probably very right my dear. That is enough tears for one day. Let's walk back to the Abbey together and get young George. Maybe we can take him on a picnic and tell him about his pretty and brave mama."

Matthew lit up just a bit, not much but a little. He offered his mother his arm as they walked out into the hall the retrieve her coat and hat. "That is a wonderful idea mother. Perhaps we could get Tom and Sybbie to come with us as well."

Isobel smiled and nodded. As they headed out into the bright sunny day, Matthew found for the very first time since Mary's death, he had hope. Not a great deal of it, just a tiny spark, but just enough for him to dare to think that everything may turn out okay.

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><p><strong>AN: As always please, please, please leave reviews! The more I get the more motivation I will have to update faster! I always value what you all have to say! Keep being awesome! ;)<strong>


	7. Author's note

**Hey guys! It's been quite a while. I'm sorry that this is not a chapter but I wanted to officially let you guys know that this story is on hiatus. I lost a lot of steam for writing this fic after seeing season 5 and I honestly don't know if I'll ever update it again. I've also started other projects in other fandoms that I want to focus on for now. I feel like where I left off is an acceptable ending point but it does leave the possibility for more. I've marked this fic as complete for now unless something changes.**

**So, I wanted to ask your opinion. If you're still here after all this time, should I continue? Do you want me too? I could maybe do a sequel, even if it's oneshots. I'm sort of torn on this. So please let me know what you think by leaving a review. Thanks for all the support you gave me with this fic. It really means more to me than I can say. Bye for now and as always, keep being awesome!;) **


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